Today there is no dictation, not because of the absence of the Voice, but on account of my inability to receive it. Too disturbed, almost raving, with crises equal to those in the bitter days in Viareggio, I am not in a position to understand. Too much storm! There’s no staying in my poor heart and my poor head any more. No way any more! Lord, have mercy! You had one agony in Gethsemane....
How many are You giving me? How many desperate souls are to find peace again through my torment?501
To crown off the torture, today, from 4 p.m. to 5 I had to withstand a harsh temptation. The Tempter wanted to persuade me to simulate for a human purpose. He said, “Write in your own words. With a bit of skill, you can now imitate the Master’s style. Write what may be useful to you to make those who have caused you pain uncomfortable and worse off. He is gullible and will fall for it at once.” “No,” I replied. “I will never use lying for this or anything else. Even to my disadvantage, I write only what I receive from the different ‘voices,’ and nothing else. Nothing of my own. Be off!”
It was a long struggle.... I was sweating as if I had been in an oven. I won. But the devil took revenge by intensifying all the nostalgias, fears, and discomforts....
Who is familiar with these struggles? If reason and life last and we see each other again, I shall explain to you more clearly. I won’t say any more now because I am crushed by the crisis this morning and the struggle today.
501 The writer had proposed to offer a penance every day since May 15 for the despairing, for whom Wednesdays were especially reserved in the dictation on May 29.