For those judging in human terms I ought to be in a state of misfortune. Since yesterday I have instead been in a state of great grace.
After having undergone the hellish battle on the afternoon of the 4th, which I wanted to write down, for it struck me as proper that it should be written, I wept greatly. I was really exhausted, crushed. During the night anxiety brought me out of sopor at 3 a.m. It had been a long time since that had happened to me. I went on crying desolately. I think my heart was dislocated even more.
I then prayed. Afterwards I made my usual offerings. And when I came to the one for Nennolina,505 I said to her, “Nennolina, give it yourself to Jesus and tell Him to have me go back to my house.506 If you say so, He will listen to you... and you can understand - you that were so sick - what the suffering of an infirm woman means.”
And Nennolina appeared to me. Dressed in white, almost as tall as Marta, with her thoughtful, shining eyes, smiling and luminous, with a sash of light at her side, in the place where the big wound was.
“Is it you?” I asked.
She replied to me with the smile of a happy girl.
“Are you very happy?!”
Another smile of assent.
“And your leg?”
Nennolina spoke: “It’s no longer of use. Here, where I am, nothing is of use any longer. Love is enough.” And with the act proper to a girl, she pirouetted half-way around, laughing with all her little teeth.
“Do you love me, Nennolina?”
A smile of assent.
“Remember to tell Jesus that poor Maria has only Him and hopes in Him alone.”
A smile and a farewell, and the figure dissolved into light.
Then Jesus came with those two dictations, and this morning, after a night of peaceful sopor, consoled by divine caresses, there was the sublime dictation.507 And even in human terms I am content... because I am still a woman and received a “flower” today, as Jesus says. “A small thing for a... big spirit,” as Jesus says. Big? Mine, big? No!!! But a spirit tending to grow so as to please God. Him alone.
Well then, I received a small thing, a flower of human love, and it did my poor flayed humanity such good. Entirely flayed and stricken on the lacerations from bandages like nettles.... In me spirit and humanity are thus joyful.
Oh, blessed Lord, who have had mercy on your poor Maria.... But my Master has me understand that this mercy has been shown because the day before yesterday I was able to be faithful to Him and not resort to deceit by serving Satan.
These pages will be read by Paola, Peppino, Marta,508 and Father Migliorini, if I still see him. And that’s all. The Master wants this.
505 Cf. the entry for June 14.
506 See note 312.
507 This must be a dictation on the Agony in Gethsemane, written that same July 6. The handwritten original has not been found, but only typewritten copies.
508 Paola Belfanti and Marta Diciotti. The name “Peppino,” which seems to have been inserted later, must refer to Giuseppe Belfanti, the father of Paola and cousin of the writer’s mother.