I am disturbed. It is not the first time. For some time now I have had a sign that someone is not acting honestly towards me. I have always rejected and silenced this sign and this intimate impression. But it is now too pressing.
I don’t know who it is. A man? A woman? I don’t know. I know there is someone acting without sincerity and improperly towards me. And if it were towards Maria Valtorta, there would be nothing bad about it. But I fear evil is being done to the “spokesman.” I strive not to want to give a name to this person who is not sincere and lacks respect for Jesus. But if I do so because I have no proof and would not like to be lacking in charity by doubting - Jesus says even suspicion is a lack of charity; He has said so two or three times in the Gospel scenes - this does not eliminate the fact that even involuntarily some name pops up in my mind as that of the possible author of that evil.
I say this because I have no secrets with you and because I think it is fitting that you, too, should be aware of this warning. We shall not prevent anything, unfortunately. But it will be useful to know that I have warned about this beforehand.
I am very disturbed. I repeat it. Disturbed over this. Not about anything else. Jesus does not leave me. What a lesson He is giving to all! How respectfully he guards the secret! I am no longer free to “see and hear.” Being here with Marta alone imposes upon me the presence of friends and acquaintances, and Jesus, who does not want to uncover his “spokesman,” is silent. How much there is to learn from this silence! With me, however, intimately, He is not silent or absent. Rather, He fills me with caresses....
Someone will ask, “Why doesn’t He speak and have you see at night?”
Because I am too ill. Maria is dying, and Jesus is merciful. He does not use “strong manners” - I mean a rough, overbearing style, for He has before Him someone who loves. He does so when He sees the need to. But He does not take pleasure in tormenting.
Here, too, how much there is to learn...!